Here I am, once again, trying to catch up on my blog! My excuse? I’ve been ill (and maybe a teenzy weenzy lazy, in between).
I should really be used to this by now, I shouldn’t really let it throw me for a loop like it does. But guess what? I’m not 😦
I’m into my 7th year of this 24/7 chronic migraine and tension headache roller-coaster, and you would think I would be able to rise above it and not let it stop me in my tracks… but you know what? You can have as many intentions as you wish, but when your body rules your life, there isn’t always that much you can do about it.. other than hang on for the ride.
I know it’s sounding like I’m using this as an excuse for not keeping up with my decluttering, my blog and keeping up with you all, and yeah.. I kinda am. It’s just.. it’s a darn good excuse, because it’s a reality I live in on a daily basis.
Having an chronic illness, kinda beats the crap out of you sometimes, and makes it’s hard to stay on track with your plans.
It’s kinda like when you’re good, you’re good 🙂 , when you’re bad… oh boy…
I have this base headache that is just there all the time, 24/7. Thankfully the base headache is currently on a level, where I most of the time manage to go through my day without to much trouble. On top of my base headache I get migraines. On a good run my migraines only hit me maybe a couple of times a week, other times though – its a daily occurrence.
As with most headaches/migraines there are level of pain (that might or might not need to be treated with medication). Sometimes medication help and I can go about my day but now and then the migraines are completely debilitating. Debilitating to the point where no medication seem to help and your brain seem to want to burst out of your scull. And those are the bad days!
Those days where you are hurting so much you just want to cry, but you can’t really do that as crying makes your head hurt even more, but then you can’t help yourself and you cry anyway. Those are the days where you can no longer muster up a smile to the people around you because if you look up, it hurts you head. Those are the days you hide at home, because there is no way you can possibly fake having a “good day” in public, cause your look is a dead giveaway.. that is, if you made it out of bed. Those are the days that you kinda wish someone would just chop your head off, but that would kinda render you dead, so that’s not really a good idea now is it? (it would surely take care of that headache though 😉 ).
And then you have the really, really bad days. The days where you are seriously contemplating going to the hospital.. but you’ve tried that a few times already… and they can’t seem to help you there either.
Lately, I’ve had a bit of a bad run. Not only with the regular migraines, but a run that has included a couple of the really, really bad days. The ones that completely knock you for a loop, where you want to cry, go to the hospital and have you head chopped off.. all at once.
Over these last 7 years, I have had all of 12 seconds being totally pain free (boy, did I enjoy the heck out of those 12 seconds 😉 ). I have however not given up hope, that I – one day… will be pain free – or rather headache free… I am (after all) getting older, and my right hip and shoulder isn’t always all that.. but that’s age for you 😉
As bad as my head gets at times, I’m so thankful it’s not something more serious I struggle with, I do after all have it pretty easy, compared to a lot of other people.
There are many out there that have really serious problems, debilitating diseases and illnesses that might end up taking their lives. My heart goes out to them all! Compared to them, I have an exceptional good life.
There are times it’s hard for the people that sees me to understand how my day is, as most of the time I don’t look sick at all. Not only do I “fake” it good, when I’m not feeling too god, but migraines/headaches is often an invisible disease, one that is hard to explain to someone whose never ever had one.
A few years ago, I came across “The Spoon Theory”, a personal story and a simple analogy by Christine Miserandino’s of what it is like to live with a chronic illness or disability. Christine herself has lupus.
Even though I’m a complete lightweight compared to people with that kind of disability, it still struck a chord, because it explains so well (to a healthy person) how it is to live with chronic pain.
If there are any of you that struggles with chronic pain, or have people in your life that struggles with this. If you haven’t already, I would recommend that you read the “The spoon theory”, at But You Don’t Look Sick, It helps put things into perspective.
I’m not writing this for sympathy, cause I know you have my back! I’m writing this to explain why my posting is (and has been for quite some time) so intermittently, why you don’t see me much on your own blogs. And why, when I do find your blog, I “spam” you with likes instead of taking the time to write comments, as I’m trying to “catch up”.
I’m working my way through this spell, and I’m sure you’ll see me soon here at the blog. But if you don’t, I just want to let you know, I’m not gone, I’m just pacing myself.. and I’ll be popping by every chance I get, hanging out with you all here at the blogoshere 🙂
I kinda miss you, you know 😉
📌PS. This was not really what I was thinking of writing today, as my plan involved a declutter post… but sometimes my mind has a mind of its own… and all I can do is hang a left and follow along! 🙂